Before He Cheats
by obsessedwithstabler
Summary: She looked up at him in surprise, and he shrugged his broad shoulders, offering lamely, “Bad neighborhood. You might be able to protect yourself, but I’m just a cripple.”


Okay, I got tired of writing the sad House stories, so I wrote this one to lighten up my mood. And before ya'll say that she wouldn't do this, remember what Tracy Bird says, "Hell hath no fury like the revenge of a middle aged woman." Now I know she's not middle aged, but girls, come on. You can see the nicest of us doing something like this. I mean, look what Carrie did... Anyways, the song is Before He Cheats, by Carrie Underwood. Enjoy, and please don't forget to review!

Disclaimer: I own nothing... Dang it...

This story is for every woman who has ever wanted to kill her boyfriend and tell her friends that he disappeared to Las Vegas.

Allison Cameron sighed as she looked at her boyfriend's empty side of the bed. Once again, she was alone in their apartment while he was probably out dancing, drinking, and having a good time.

Rising to her feet, she thought, _That's it. I'm tired of this_. She grabbed her tightest blue jeans, a low cut spaghetti strapped shirt and her favorite leather jacket, finishing the look with her black boots and dark sunglasses.

After dabbing on some lip gloss and perfume, she grabbed her keys and walked out of the apartment, heading for Jason's favorite hangout.

_Right now, he's probably slow dancing _

_With a beach blond tramp and she's probably getting frisky _

_Right now, he's probably buying her some _

_Fruity little drink cause she can't shoot whiskey _

_Right now, he's probably up behind her _

_With a pool stick showing her _

_How to shoot a combo _

_And he don't know_

As she pulled into the parking lot of Barney's, the hottest night club around, Cameron immediately spotted Jason's beautiful red Porsche, and she smiled. Once she parked the car, she pulled the key out of the ignition, climbed out of the car and popped the trunk open. Then she grabbed the baseball bat out of the trunk, and without batting an eye, slammed it into the tiny sports car. After smashing the headlights out, she dragged the key along the side of the car, then opened the door and keyed her name into the Italian leather seats.

"Let's see if he forgets me now," she muttered in self satisfaction. Then she grabbed a knife out of the trunk and slashed holes into the four tires, watching as the car sank quickly.

_I dug my key into the side _

_Of his pretty little souped up four wheel drive _

_Carved my name into his leather seats _

_I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights _

_Slashed a hole in all four tires _

_Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats_

For a minute she just stood there and admired her handiwork. Then she threw the bat into her trunk and slammed the lid of the trunk shut, straightening out her outfit before walking into the club. Once inside, Cameron scanned the drunken and oversexed crowd that was "dancing" in the packed club.

On the stage, some anorexic, scantily clad, beach blond woman was singing a terrible rendition of, "Man! I Feel Like A Woman!" and Cameron had to resist the urge to stick her fingers in her ears to save them from the abuse. A man dressed in tight blue jeans and a cowboy hat strolled up to Cameron and began spouting lines over the obnoxiously loud music.

"Did it hurt?" he slurred drunkenly. She didn't answer, but he continued. "I mean, when you fell from heaven?" She looked past him to see the woman stumble off of the stage, and into the waiting arms of her boyfriend, Jason. Shoving past the drunk cowboy, Cameron stormed up to the kissing couple, and she cleared her throat.

Jason looked up from the girl, and he had the presence of mind to look ashamed and guilty. "Ally, this isn't what you think-"

Cameron raised her hand to silence him, then dug around in the pocket of her jeans and produced the spare keys to his car and her apartment. "Don't worry about it, Jason," she said coolly as she dropped the pieces of metal into the girl's martini. Then she turned to the terrified looking girl and said, "Honey, you can have him, because I'm done with him."

_Right now, she's probably up singing _

_Some white trash version of Shania karaoke _

_Right now, she's probably saying, "I'm drunk"_

_And he's thinking that he's gonna get lucky _

_Right now, he's probably dabbing on _

_Three dollars worth _

_Of that bathroom polo _

_Oh, and he don't know_

Then she cast one last frown at Jason and walked away, fighting her way through the crowd. Finally she managed to escape the suffocating feel of the club, and she inhaled deeply and looked up at the starry night sky. A hand gripping her shoulder made her whirl around, and she came face to face with the drunken cowboy that she had stumbled into earlier.

"Hi there, little darlin'," he slurred, and Cameron could see that his eyes were glazed over. "We got off on the wrong foot, and I wanna buy you a drink-"

"I'm sorry. I just came here to break up with my boyfriend," Cameron confessed, prying his hand off of her arm. His glazed look reflected an intense hunger, and she frowned and tried to walk away. But as she took a step, the man shot out his hand, grabbed her arm, and yanked her against him, and she could smell the stench of whiskey on his breath. He lowered his head to kiss her, and she jerked away and landed one solid punch to his stomach, bringing him to his knees.

Gasping a little, Cameron turned to walk away, but a familiar voice stopped her dead in her tracks.

"Boy, remind me never to get on your bad side," House stated, amused. She shot him a glare and began to stalk off, but he called out, "Hey, Cameron?" She froze in her steps, and he quickly caught up to her.

"What do you want, House?" she demanded in exasperation, and he shrugged and limped alongside her as she began walking again.

"Do you want to go get a drink?" he asked, and she froze and looked at him suspiciously. Was House really asking her to have a drink with her? Without her having to twist his arm or blackmail him into it? She nearly scoffed at him. "So, is that a yes or a no? Cause I have a very important meeting tonight…" he stated dryly, and she turned and looked up into his Caribbean blue eyes, then looked down at her watch.

"I guess I have time for a drink," she said with a roll of her eyes, and to her surprise, House smiled at her, a real smile that made her heart flutter a little.

_That I dug my key into the side _

_Of his pretty little souped up four wheel drive _

_Carved my name into his leather seats _

_I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights _

_Slashed a hole in all four tires _

_Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats_

They started to walk away together, then House looked over his shoulder at the cowboy who was slowly rising to his feet and clutching his stomach. "She's scarier than she looks, pal," he called, and Cameron lightly slapped his shoulder.

They continued to walk slowly away from the club, the silence a comfortable one, almost like that of one two good friends would share. "Where do you want to go?" she asked softly, and he smiled down at her.

"Other than a strip joint?" he joked lightly, and it was her turn to smile. "Well, there is this one bar, not too noisy, not too quiet," he rambled, and she just listened to his deep voice, until his free arm slipped through hers, shocking her. She looked up at him in surprise, and he shrugged his broad shoulders, offering lamely, "Bad neighborhood. You might be able to protect yourself, but I'm just a cripple." He sniffed, and she laughed and moved a little closer into his side as they walked down the dark sidewalk, with the moon shining down on them.

_I might've saved a little trouble for the next girl _

_Cause the next time that he cheats _

_Oh, you know it won't be on me _

_No, not on me_

_Cause I dug my key into the side_

_Of his pretty little souped up four wheel drive _

_Carved my name into his leather seats _

_I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights _

_Slashed a hole in all four tires _

_Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats _

_Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats _

_Oh, before he cheats_

The End

A/N: Okay, what did ya'll think, my ducklings? Good? Okay? Please review! Critisisms are welcome, and flames will be shared with friends for laughs and used to roast my marshmallows... Mmm... s'mores... (drools on keyboard)


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